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My Death


  no one would have thought that after that day, a wandering souls in the village will never be over.
  last time I had to add in the wood stove, watching the orange flames unbridled throughput, as if the devil dress dancing in the wind. Cried the mother in the house, boudoir, the pigs of the. I should be a cry, and to the north side house dug six tablespoons of bran, pour into a large plastic bucket, mixed with some water, referring to the pigpen. That pig is clearly hungry to hear footsteps, hum hum rip rip the bite bar the door. I unplug the slingshot fork kind of latch, had just hogwash poured into the trough, pig dirty mouth goes to plug into it.
  my heart suddenly threw up a vague anger, pig, pig is really the first cheap! Pig ass I gave him a kick on the bitter, but the pigs because Guzhe eat, do not mind, only to moan softly heard, changed the location of the bottom display.
  out pen, I deliberately did not insert the latch. I was thinking to pig said, Do you want to know how to escape from, life can only stay in the circle.
  go on the road to the reservoir, I feel very relaxed, a few days to a depressed evaporated. The village people are beginning to cook, smoke-filled in, showing a bit of life in the warmth. Sunset like a shy bride, wandering the edge of the western sky, the sunset is as huge and beautiful wedding, gorgeous overwhelming.
  think of the bride, I could not help but sigh. As a woman, waiting for the happiest in life, nothing is to wear the wedding dress the moment, yet today, I will be looking only at the Bridge of Sigh.
  halfway decent, I met a blind man. He is a left Jiankua erhu, the right hand leaning on cane ventured to go to our village. His white hair and beard, wrinkles, such as a road gully, large tracts of senile plaques compact side by side, looks like a bunch of gossip in the meeting.
  blind erhu money by eating, playing is always Nagqu Bing, Since many years, sad music of the blind in the village over the ring from time to time, almost all the pigeons with sparrows used to it. Old wife and children in the village, however they will always have a never-ending flow of tears, she listens to they reached into the pocket, a picture of a broken hair hair two currencies will float into the bowl where the blind man.
  children often engage in mischief. They will climb trees, or hiding in the walls within the blind stone-throwing children. Small stones, smashing the rest of me life and life's pain. Some blind and scared a few times, he like to avoid a catastrophe, hurried to the village of crutches to escape. At this time, the children won the battle as if, hee hee laugh. Blind hear the children's joke, then back off again. His white eyes turned several times in the eyes, face ek several flower hoarse laugh.
  blind obviously heard my footsteps, he smiled at me greeted position. I said to the blind, blind uncle, let me feel your erhu it! Wind smile blind expansion, he was glad someone interested in their baby, then handed it to me without hesitation put the erhu.
  it is to the older of the erhu, as the older blind, I do not know how many years of dust contamination.
  I suddenly have a strong offense to the idea. To be dead, I have not done a bad thing, as do a bold today! So I quietly walked away, with a blind erhu, he has not noticed the time, quickly ran away.
  line of the wind I heard the sound of the wind mixed with the blind man behind hopeless cry, my erhu, girl, my erhu!
  I actually some happy.
  came to the reservoir, the sun has his face jammed into a mountain. Reservoir was built in a small col, said reservoir, in fact, little more than a dozen acres of land also children. And full of long reservoir surrounded by reeds, the reeds where birds sometimes the wind will be standing tall slim, and sometimes a few unexpected flying Osprey, they flap their wings a few times, arrow, as it flew towards heaven.
  Reservoir was originally used for irrigation, but later abandoned it for some reason I do not know off, then summer, and became a children's paradise. When the sun baked the lake, a group of children on the loach samples drilled in the water drilling, their age is not large, usually between seven to ten, the waves from the Department clusters, occasionally mixed with a little girl several more scream. I do not know when, someone put a fish in the water, so the reservoir from time to time to pop out two feet long carp. Sunset sky, when the grandfather Ah fool would put a small stool to the reservoir fishing.
  I can not swim, so little been to before reservoir, except for only once. That year the province's drought, the water reservoir within a few days all ran into the air and bottom exposed a dark sludge. I ran into a bunch of kids to touch Gala, less than half a day to touch a barrel. But the home did not eat me, because all of them to honor the mother to the father Ah fool - our village party secretary of the.
  I am in the reservoir rocks at the entrance to the board to sit down together and started off his shoes. I've been wearing these shoes for half a year, from the beginning of spring through to the beginning of autumn, if you die, I believe at least have to wear a few months. It now looks like a pair of overwork, upper full of holes, two holes toe bare the unscrupulous. Walk, my toes are always hard to curl, as if a few shy girl, for fear of being glimpse of the face.
  But now, neither I nor my toes are no longer what scruples. I took the shoes off ferocious, forced to throw to the reservoir. Just listen to
  erhu for the blind should be how to deal with, I hesitated. Wanted to put it together with the shoes thrown into the water, but the thought of turning down the blind white eye, I Henbuxiaxin come. So I put it in the reeds behind and allowed to quietly waiting for the return of the owner's hands.
  sun had set, and a light black color of the curtain is slowly opened. I think this time, the pig should have been run out from the circle. Certainly frantic mother, she shouted again. But what of it? ! Oh, I no longer have to go home, no longer have to suffer her to play!
  my face black blue bruises Youteng up. On the night before, wash the dishes, I accidentally broke a cup. Mother screaming angry, vicious's slapped me a slap. I cried liver split apart. Night sleep, I dream of his father. He stared at me blankly, as if a man-eating beast. I knelt before him, crying tears under both their own grievances. But he just glanced at me in disgust: what you are, I want a son. Then he walked away, I faint sad in a dream.
  six years old when my father threw our daughter, to go with a foreign woman. Before he left from the numerous quarrels with his mother, I know the father of son preference. He said more than once in this life his greatest wish is to have a son, which is dying grandfather's expectations. However, when the mother gave birth to my bleeding, sudden body bone horrendous emaciated, can no longer give birth.
  mother became the father of the enemy, the father became the mother of the enemy. And I became their common enemy.
  father gone, mother I am even more disgusted. Her gaunt bones actually a tenacious belief in the growth, that is: I deprived her of her happy life. Sometimes, she stared at me for a long time somehow, that look, there are poisonous snakes in the core, there are black Man Tuo Luo despair.
  children start school at the age when the mother did not let me go. I looked down in silence, I heard did not dare say anything. Punched and kicked all day, so I was brought up to develop sub cowardly temper. I do not understand resistance, only knew the bear. I know, I had the meat together is the mother body, my soul, my thoughts were given by her. So, whatever I do not want to have hundreds of mind, there are thousands of sad, as long as her word, I will cast aside her away with the extremely heavy burden.
  If my life I used to like anything, then it is the morning dew on the grass.
  dawn every day, other people's children are carrying a school bag to school, I was the only hard on the hillside grass cutting pigs. At this time, I saw the dolphin pearl-like dew. My heart is full of pity in the moment,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], but also a kind of sacred piety. This is not really dye from the reality of ****, pure and beautiful angel. I looked at them carefully, just as his father watched in faraway places his hope on looking at the son. Sometimes, I will gently put them together in the palm of the hand, and then sucking out of pity, but also sometimes, I would not hesitate to lie into that overgrown grass, dew, wet clothes, even if the whole body through the essence of the expense.
  I like the dew, but also because each drop of dew is a mirror, the mirror can always be reflected on another world for me. That I was happy laughing, wearing the same clothes as flowers, with beauty like a flower.
  fourteen years old that year, the first time I had an argument with his mother because his mother suddenly told me that she had married my second son to the village party secretary - a fool Ah. I certainly do not want to. What kind of fool thing Ah? An idiot! Hey, when he walked always with a smile, revealing two rows of black carbon-like teeth, and his arms in the air, circle round, when the nose into the nose when the, like the green snake winding section. However, the sanctity of the mother's will, she can not help you just do not want a wish, put me into the abyss.
  Since then, I met with the village children call me an idiot wife. They are like blind men bullying as bullying me, and often throw stones to me. I open mouth and cursed, just like grass with a sickle cut pig's neck in their tender gently draw knife. However, they are always wary of running away, like a flock of practice for many years 小妖.
  fool I was met in the street, and always want to rub me. On several occasions, he even thrown around me, kiss, kiss his wife, his vague words, like a little sharp pieces of acupuncture in my mind, apart from the pain I can still smell his mouth Zhushi kind of bad breath. One time I chop a slap his face geld, his nose like a paste, as posted on the face, and he temporarily some fameng, and then they wah-wah cry. People around the village around us, just like looking at a wonderful excerpts, all laughing with, let me the creeps.
  now, my feet have been inserted into the water, I saw the devil is affectionate kiss it, a greedy look.
  end of several big carp water from the reservoir jumped the center, draw a beautiful arc. Fortunately, the grandfather Ah fool not to fishing today. I turned to Wang Leyan reeds behind and found a small white flowers. Suddenly a thought jumped into my heart, I want to wear it die! So I retract the foot, the flower on your head. A kind of elegant aroma of flowers, so that the early autumn night, dream-like.
  everything ready, I have no worries. Jumped into the water at the moment, I became a swirling down from the sky fairy. Fish kiss my toes, like one from afar to greet guests. I smiled softly at the bottom, then expanded into a huge smile ripples, from the surface of a circle swing toward him. Reed birds stand a few branches to see all of this, the cheerful beat its wings a few.
  A few days later, the villagers had me buried in a cemetery in Nanshan, next to me, was actually my grandfather. The old man died many years has been looking forward to his family line to a little grandson, he does not like to see me. But I was willing to stay next to him, I want his dead soul shall never be peace. I hate him, hate my father, my mother hate, hate all the people in this world!
  pleased me most after death, is the second spring my little grave and full of the delicate grass. Every morning, they will hold up with his tender arm dolphin crystal dew. Those dew sparkling in the sun, like a beautiful but distant dream.
  Also worth mentioning is that every night after my death, I will have a woman went to the grave mourning cry. She had her hair, like a ghost ailing. Her voice was hoarse and miserable, than the cry of the owl is also ugly. People say she was crazy.
  woman was actually my mother!
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